Hello, sunshine!

Thank you for following me through this transition in pursuit of living more authentically. I hope that these reads, though they are quite long, are encouraging and helpful, otherwise thank you for simply reading this bit of vulnerability. So, as you may know from my previous post Ghosting Social Media: an Experiment I am currently undergoing a social media detox (if it can be called that). My main reason, is to increase my overall quality of life by living more authentically without constantly being concerned with and reliant upon others’ opinions. Long story a little shorter, I decided I wanted to change my perspective of myself and that this could possibly be one way to do just that. There are a lot more details in the previous post if you care to read.

As an update, I wanted to share that I have been more productive without the option to aimlessly scroll on Instagram or TikTok wishing I looked differently. Part of my plan is to be more creative and find things that I like about myself that could outweigh the way I think I appear. I want to be more proud of my accomplishments than the way that I look. So, in the name of creativity, I created a wall full of inspirational pictures and things that I like (Harry Potter, Steven Universe, The Office, Friends, and Naruto, to name a few) straight out of my Pinterest board. I also painted on some old records in very different ways, and added some poems to some of them. I honestly love how well it turned out. It embodies things that I love, encouraging words, and some laughs (The Office quotes of course). And my very loving and supportive boyfriend has been 100% okay with the change in the room. Shout out to Robert. Love you boo. 

Today, I cleaned my whole apartment, went through my many clothes and wiped down counter tops so my house can smell like Lysol and my raspberry sangria scented candle. But, as I’ve been keeping myself busy with various projects, I’ve still been attempting to redirect the thoughts that come that don’t feel great. A very specific example would be, that I looked at myself in the mirror and within five seconds found approximately four things that weren’t “appealing”, like some new pimples, my hair that desperately needs washing, my skin is peeling, “I look like a twelve year old child”. Sound familiar? Now these aren’t the most demeaning thoughts that have come across my brain, but it was enough that I had to remind myself, that I look fine.

Your face is breathing and it feels great.

Your hair can always be washed but for now, its okay. 

Your skin is peeling because you forgot sunscreen, and its not bad.

Remember that through this time, your focus is not on how you appear on the outside, but how see yourself on the inside. Learn to value and appreciate what your body and mind can do. You are not here to impress anyone. 

These are just some of the thoughts I attempted to reconstruct. Its not easy remembering to be kind to yourself and its even harder when you easily envy other people that we only get to see their best side. But redirecting your thoughts as you think them, has proven to be helpful during some of my most anxious moments. And getting rid of my apps, keeps me from constantly pointing out the same flaws over and over again in my mind.

Now, this process of deleting my apps was made entirely because I don’t trust myself to maintain the discipline to simply decrease the amount of time I spend on my social media accounts. So, for me the easiest way to begin the process was to go ‘cold turkey’ and see what happens. More specifically, to see how it affects my self confidence. However, taking away the view of what makes you envious alone isn’t going to be helpful. Which is why this is so hard. It is constantly reminding yourself that you are working on reshaping your thoughts and ideas that you mistakenly formed about yourself while looking or interacting with other people. It is maintaining a positive attitude while keeping your focus on yourself.

This whole process seems like such a ‘first world problem’, and it totally is. Many people live their lives without even touching a single social media website, and I envy them in many ways. However, because this is our society and our society is filled with people who feel broken because they don’t look a certain way, I personally wanted to work on the parts of me that couldn’t stand to look at my reflection. I want to see everything that I am and that I can accomplish looking back. I want to live authentically. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t influenced by another woman’s journey. Brené Brown, has inspired me in many ways to take up this challenge with her book The Gifts of Imperfection. I highly recommend the read, it is incredible and very encouraging.

Well, lovely human beings, this almost makes a week of being without social media and my goal is to last a lot longer. I will be back with another update on the process.