Here begins my annual post about how life is treating me. And its not very nice, if I’m being honest. But there are definitely some celebrations between the least liked events. I’m going to start off with a disclaimer that everyones past two years have been absolute trash with this COVID-19 hanging over our heads. It has not been fun. This is not the early-mid twenties I wanted for myself or my generation. But we’re here, we’re alive, and we’re doing our best to thrive not just survive.

I started 2021 with a wonderful birthday, then got my acceptance letter into the graduate program I applied to. There were lots tears and straight up sobbing… when I got in. Out of excitement and accomplishment. There was more sobbing all throughout the first semester because of over working. I am one of the many that has to work full time (to get benefits) while also being a full time student. And, let me tell you (those who don’t know), it fucking sucks. It is not fun. It has been the most challenging thing I have ever done.

Before we get more into those details, something big happened earlier. As I was leaving my job on my first day of classes (luckily they were online), I got a call saying that my mammaw has stage four cancer. The next twenty minutes were a blur but I made it home safely through the sobs that shook my entire body. I made it home with barely ten minutes to wipe my face and get my laptop situated on the table to begin the zoom meeting. When I tell you this year has been hard…

As a big giant side note, I have had lots of complications with my family that are recently (very recently) beginning to patch up and heal. Before that ever happened, there was always one smiling face, always one kind and calm voice, and two arms that had always made me feel like I had a place to belong. I know not everyone is as lucky to have a great relationship with their grandparents, but my mammaw, she’s an angel. She is what I relate unconditional love to. You can imagine how it has felt.

Anyways, the rest of the semester was a roller coaster of grieving the potential of a future, being in the present, and reminiscing about the good times before we found out the sky was falling on our family. It was a huge struggle to balance work, social life, and school. My social life took the biggest hit throughout the semester and I prioritized everything I was learning. I cooked dinner less, even forgot to take a shower a few times, barely had time to wash my clothes before falling asleep every night. My self care was the second thing that took a huge hit.

This is not a post to scare you out of going to graduate school. I know it sounds like it though. This is more of a ”don’t do what I did”, article. Don’t over expend yourself to your friends during this time. Its okay to separate for a time to focus on your goals. Do not feel guilty for prioritizing yourself. I know, I know. This is the hard one. If you’re similar to me, you may tie your worth into what you can do for other people. This is not a healthy mindset anytime, but it especially hurts during classes. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from classmates. I have met so many wonderful women through this program and it has been an amazing experience. Don’t forget to do self care things, whatever that may look like for you. Do not forget to fill your cup up again with things that you like. If that means no school work on Sundays, or Saturdays or in the evenings on specific days, do it. Do the things that make you feel refreshed.

Graduate school is doable, and I made all A’s for the first time since I have been to Texas State. It takes a lot out of you but you can do it. Other than that, I have been continuing my journey of self-awareness. And its very uncomfortable. I have an amazing therapist, and great friends, and more recently my family members to help support me. I am excited to share what I have learned. I will try to do more posts before the semester starts again to cover all of the topics I want to. But as usual, no promises. We know me at this point. The inconsistency is a pattern that we acknowledge.

Anyways, thank you for reading my yearly update. I’m excited to see what 2022 has for me. It is already off to a great start. I am writing a book, I am learning more every day, I’m already more confident, I’m going on more adventures, and I’m working on validating my own feelings. This year is going to be a good one for growth, ambition, travel, and joy. I am manifesting it now.

thank you for reading so diligently.

till the next time I decide to write.