I can’t even.

10 years? The first time I happened upon this website was ten years ago. I was 18 years old. I decided to write to an empty void. Almost like fishing, and seeing every now and then if I caught a bite. It was another safe space to vent and write poetry. I also posted my photography. I grew into loving myself and documented some of the stages here. Ten years. Damn, now, I’m starting to feel old.

Ten years ago, I had just graduated from high school the August before. Slowly but surely, everyone began moving away, leaving me behind. They all were fulfilling their dreams of going to college. Either to study something amazing, or because their parents wished it upon them. Either way, they had the supporting families to help get them through financial hardships. They were able to focus on studying and being a college kid. All because their support system would take care of them.

My two closest friends left me that year to pursue more than our small Texas town had to offer them. I was more than a little jealous of their freedom. Of the support they had so readily available. They definitely tried to coerce me to go with them. Unfortunately, I thought that was impossible. I was a first generation student that had no idea what I wanted to be. I didn’t know where to go and didn’t have the drive to only focus on studies.

Earlier that past year, was the first time I thought that I can be something. That being a stay at home mom was not my only option. I was the textbook version of lost and nowhere to go. So, I stayed. But I just knew, one way or another, I was going to leave that small town behind me. Like so many of my peers, it had nothing more to offer me. And I had a whole world to see.

Now, 10 years later, I am over a 1,000 miles away from that tiny town. I have a city that I call my home with nearly a million residents. So, many different perspectives. So many learning opportunities. So much to do. So much to see. I have lived here for nearly two years and find new things every day.

I have 3 college degrees (yes I am counting my associate’s degree). I am a Behavior Analyst. I have a wonderful career that will continue to help me grow as an individual. I have time to write. I paint. I have an apartment with my wonderful partner. Oh, yeah, I am a lesbian.

The way 18 year-old Megan would be shocked that I no longer date men, has me rolling on the floor. She would be in utter disbelief that I am brave enough to date women after the upbringing I endured. I can see her jaw on the floor, needing to sit down, possibly fainting.

The way she would be so proud of me for finally speaking up for myself. She would be ecstatic that I feel safe enough to be the person I have always been. Though, I was always too afraid to show. I can see the look of relief on her face now. Eyes filled to the brim with tears, “Finally, we made it”.

Ten years. Wow. Ten years of failures and successes. I have been writing this book I still have not published. Ten years of grieving, venting, joy, love, heartache, and abandonment. I wish I could say that I will no longer abandon my blog and writing. That I will suddenly be so consistent, and post nearly everyday. I have ADHD nothing is certain.

I have always been a reflective person, but the older I get, I see the cliche is pretty spot on. I am even more reflective and have some wisdom to put behind my experiences. How did it feel for you? The big time for change and transition? Are you still reflecting on your life as it was? Does the reflection ever feel satisfied? Do you struggle to live in the moment?

I am thankful for the community of writers I have been lucky to benefit from for the past decade. Thank you for writing. Thank you for reading. Thank you for inspiring others, like me to write their story. I can not wait to continue to read and write more.

Ten years. Happy ten years. Thank you for all the wonderful memories. I’m excited for many more to come.

Till next time.