I wrote something! A poem that might have some weight to it. But then the scary part, of course, is sharing it. It’s meant to be read aloud not to oneself so I’m entirely sure how to present it. But I can give background as to what I wrote. 

Since I was 12 years old I struggled with depression. My 12 year old self was short, not exactly curvy, with braces and choppy bangs with blonde highlights. I had my own “sense of style” that I wish I didn’t. But it was a defining quality. I strove to be different. But at the same time, I saw my older sister. She’s only 17 months older me, but she’s fully developed with perfect hair and a perfect personality. The guys flocked around her even before she grew boobs. Sure she had acne, but no one else seemed to care. She was lovely. And me? I was awkward and quiet and had no idea how act around people my age. 

I automatically caught on to the differences in the way people treated me and my sister. She was the shining glory, and talented at that! She played the guitar, sang, and wrote songs. She was going to be a worship leader. Again, perfect. And people of course saw me, but didn’t know me, and acted as if I was second best. Or at least that’s what I told myself. Basically, at that moment, I became my own bully. “Megan why aren’t you talking?! You’ll never make friends!” “Let’s be honest, you’re not that pretty. Why do you think no one talks to you?” “Don’t you dare say a word, you’re just going to embarrass yourself and your sister.” “Just stop trying, Megan. You’ll never be as amazing as she is.”….. I wish I could blame someone else for those comments… But I can’t. That was me. It was like I had two sides of myself. One side wanting to do whatever the hell I felt like doing, and the other side that reminded me I couldn’t. 

This lasted for a long time. My dad tried numerous times to get me out of my trance, but eventually he just got aggravated. That’s when I realized, I needed to hide it. To be happy with everyone else and suppress the negativity. If I could. And I did. For a long time. I still had my opinions, and beat myself up, but it wasn’t to the extent of depression. I did have some falling out moments my freshman year, but it didn’t last long. 

So the depression went away. So I thought. The next time I experienced depression, it was my senior year. I don’t even remember why I was depressed. I don’t think I knew at the time either. But it was bad… I could read to anyone my journal entries and people would think I needed help. I did, but I wasn’t going to ask for it. I remember the first time I told my closest friends about the episodes I was having. They were all in tears at the end of it…. And why do this to myself? Why torture myself to this point? 

Well, I learned that it wasn’t all my fault. I discovered that I had thyroid issues that caused depression. It also explains how it only lasts for a day and then it’s gone. It doesn’t last for a week or so like it used to when I was 12. 

So I wrote my poem on my depression and how eventually I found ways to stop it, or even prevent it before it happens. And honestly it all comes down to your support system. If I didn’t have my amazing family and friends and my loving boyfriend, I wouldn’t even be here. (Yes, my thoughts went that far). Love truly conquers all. So, I’ve made myself available to anyone who needs that support in their life. If you need to talk, message me, email me, comment below, anything. I will find a way to make you feel like you’re not alone. But you will have to want to help yourself. For those who want a way out, let me help you. I want you to be better just as much if not more. No one deserves to feel like that. And I can’t wait till I muster enough courage to post my poem

My support team: 



My gorgeous sister and my niece. 



The boyfriend. 

My friends, my sister and me when I was 13. 



My basically sister.



My basically sister. 

me and my dad. 

my dad and my cousin. 

My little brother. I don’t have a picture of the youngest. 

Anyways, thank you so much for reading this. I hope it has helped you in some way or another. 

Till next time.